Snape's Worst Nightmare
by Ariala
Summary: Sure, Harry Potter has nightmares about Voldemort --- but Snape's nightmares are much more terrifying...


**Author's note:** You must forgive the craziness and servere unfunniness of this 'fic' (if you can call it that o_O). I simply had the idea of the amount of pain Snape would be under if he was ended up teaching Harry Potter's offspring. 

I have to thank Sparrow for this load of crap (so stone her, if you will) because it was to her I mentioned the idea. _She_ thought it was funny, and so I trusted her and wrote this. It was originally supposed to be a normal dialogue fic, but I ended up doing *looks at fic with disgust* _this_.

If there's anyone who does think the idea's funny, but doesn't like what I made of it, please write your own fic and email me at ariala_@hotmail.com when you're finished ^_^

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**Snape's Worst Nightmare**

Severus Snape has no choice but to teach at Hogwarts -- for his own protection. While staying at Hogwarts, his expertise in Potions was put to good use by Dumbledore, who appointed him as the 'Potions Master'. This is pretty much the same as the 'Oh, that professor who teaches Potions'. However, Snape threw a hissy fit until he got the title _Master_: _Thee_ Potions Master, that is.

So yes, as you may or may not know, _Thee_ Potions Master is not fond of teaching. The only thing that gets _Thee_ Potions Master through the day is knowing he is control; he is _Thee_ Potions Master, afterall. And so, he is the God, Master, Der Führer, Il Duce, Ruler of all... well, all those younger than he is (because Dumbledore and McGonagall are certainly _not_ younger than Snape).

And as well as loving this maniacal power, Snape also loves a little light torture. Nothing like torture to keep your lips curled into a sadistic grin! Snape probably hates students from Slytherin as much as those from other houses, but wanting to be as cruel and evil as possible, he deliberately favours the least-liked house in Hogwarts, and rewards them as much as he can to see the pathetic crushed looks on students' faces. Nothing like being the person to destroy an 11-year-old's sense of justice. Bwah, ha, ha.

But as enjoyable as taking obsene amounts of points from Harry Potter and co. are, and giving detentions out obsessively, Snape's worst nightmare is that he'd be 214 teaching James Potter's great great great great great great grandson and saying: "How extraordinarily like your [insert amount of greats] grandfather you are, Potter."

Here (if the Potter family keeps up the tradition of living and having one wizard son) is a chart for Snape to use when addressing future Potter students to loath and torment:

"How extraordinarily like you you are, Potter." --- **James**  
"How extraordinarily like your father you are, Potter." --- **Harry**  
"How extraordinarily like your grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Frank**  
"How extraordinarily like your great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Daniel**  
"How extraordinarily like your great great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Barry**  
"How extraordinarily like your great great great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Zach**  
"How extraordinarily like your great great great great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Xavier**  
"How extraordinarily like your great great great great great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Victor**  
"How extraordinarily like your great great great great great great grandfather you are, Potter." --- **Terry**

How did Snape come up with the names? Well, he's a very clever chap indeed, you see. He saw a pattern in the Potter names: James' father was called Luke, which begins with an L. James begins with a J, which comes two letters before L in the alphabet. And Harry begins with a H, which comes two letters behind J in the alphabet.

And so this is how he got all the names of James' grandchildren. Except that Snape hadn't the slightest clue what James' father's first name was. But Luke fit in with his wonderful theory and so he used it. _Thee_ Potions Master is always right. He's isn't the _Thee_ Potions Master, for nothing you know.

Well anyway, from there Snape kept going back two letters from each name... on and on, and on and on, and on and on -- until he was teaching a little boy with black hair and lazer eye surgery called Terry.

But another question you might be asking is why Snape would do this to himself. Why would someone goto so much trouble detailing their worst nightmare? Well, this _is_ Snape we're talking about here. Whenever there's a lack of students to torture around, he begins on himself. Sure it's not as much fun, and a lot more difficult; usually when Snape tortures his students, he can see directly that look of despair and terror on their face.

But when he tortures himself, he needs a mirror to get some satisfaction. And even then it's hard, because the satisfaction at torturing someone brings an evil grin to his face and hence he's not being tortured anymore. So he needs to think about Hermione and Ron's great great great great great great grandchildren running in circles around Terry Potter with red hair and freckles _and_ the high probablility of being know-it-alls.

And if there's one thing Snape hates, even more than over two centuries of enduring the name 'Potter' and everything comes with it, _Snape HATES know-it-alls..._ No one knows more than _Thee_ Potions Master.

_To be continued..._ Heh, just kidding. I would never continue this piece of crap XD

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**Author's Notes:** See? More notes! ^_^ Isn't this fun? Well, I know that really sucked. You may now flame me. Just remember that although I'm a great (terrible... but great...) fan of Harry Potter, this is my first fic. And I don't hate Snape as much as it seems... in fact, it shows that I like him, what with making him really the sole character of this piece ^_^ 


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